Money Talk: How To Suggest Financial Therapy To A Loved One [Part I]
Financial Therapy: An Act of Love
The most common response I receive when people find out that I am a financial therapist is “I need that!”, “My partner\sibling\parent\child needs that!”, or even “Everyone needs that!”. While many people can think of at least one other person that could benefit from financial therapy, few actually suggest or recommend financial therapy to a loved one, as money is typically a sensitive subject. Remember, caring about the mental health and wellness of a partner is an act of love. Providing support and encouragement to a friend is an act of love, and suggesting financial therapy to a family member is an act of love.
The first step in suggesting financial therapy to a loved one is preparation - having a thorough understanding of financial therapy (what it is and is not, who can benefit from it and how, etc.). This knowledge will be helpful in fielding questions from your loved one and will ultimately enable you to have a more constructive conversation. Let’s take a look at the most common questions about financial therapy.
All (12 of) Your Financial Therapy Questions Answered
1. What is Financial Therapy?
Financial therapy stems from the idea that money is about more than just numbers and math. In the world of financial therapy, money is not purely logical. If money were purely logical, we would all have zero credit card debt, ample emergency savings, and robust retirement accounts. If money were purely logical, we would all spend money confidently and comfortably. If money were purely logical, the 56% of Americans who lose sleep thinking about money would be getting eight blissful hours of rest a night. However, this is simply not the case, because money is deeply emotional.
We all have a unique relationship to money that evolves from a number of places, including our upbringing, race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, ability, generation, family structure, etc. Financial therapy gives individuals and couples the opportunity to explore and transform their relationship to and beliefs about money. Financial therapy helps people to feel less stressed and more confident and in control of their personal finances.
2. How is Financial Therapy Different from Traditional Therapy?
While traditional mental health therapy focuses on many aspects of your life, financial therapy is a space dedicated to improving your relationship to money and enhancing your financial health and wellbeing. Just as you may seek out a mental health therapist who specializes in chronic pain to address the impact of fibromyalgia on your mental health, you may seek out a financial therapist to address the impact of retirement planning on your mental health.
While financial therapists delve into many aspects of life, including upbringing, relevant traumas, impactful relationships, etc., they do so with the purpose of exploring and understanding how these situations and people have impacted your beliefs and feelings about money. Similar to traditional mental health therapists, financial therapists use many different modalities, such as Solution Focused Therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Narrative Therapy, etc., and lenses, such as feminist financial therapy, systemic financial therapy, etc. in their work.
3. How is Financial Therapy Different from Financial Advising?
While financial advisors often take full control of your money and make financial recommendations and decisions on your behalf, financial therapists cannot legally provide financial advice. The role of a financial therapist is not to tell you how to manage your money rather to help you better understand your relationship to money and empower you to confidently manage your own money.
Some financial therapists do provide financial education. Financial education is distinct from financial advising in that financial education empowers you to make your own decisions. For example, financial education may consist of an explanation of Roth IRAs and Traditional IRAs as well as the pros and cons of each. Financial therapists may use financial education and provide you with resources in an effort to help you feel more empowered in your financial decision making.
4. Who can Benefit from Financial Therapy?
A common misconception is that financial therapy is only for people in debt. In actuality, financial shame, anxiety, guilt, envy, entitlement, etc. do not discriminate based on race, ethnicity, age, gender, sexuality, ability, etc., and people of all socioeconomic statuses can benefit from financial therapy. I personally believe that everyone can benefit from financial therapy. At least, everyone in the United States (do not get me started on the impacts of capitalism, consumerism, lack of access to affordable healthcare, etc. on our mental health). Here are a few reasons people may seek financial therapy…
Feelings of guilt and overwhelm regarding receiving a large inheritance
Feelings of fear of not having enough money
Feelings of disconnectedness from and inferiority to peers due to different income level
Feelings of avoidance and confusion due to lack of financial education
Disagreement with partner about how to merge finances
Disagreement with partner about how to support adult children financially
Breach of financial trust with a partner
5. What are the Benefits of Financial Therapy?
Similar to traditional mental health therapy, financial therapy has many short term and long term benefits. Financial therapy can help you to…
Break long-standing financial habits and develop healthy financial habits
Reduce financial anxiety and stress
Increase confidence in financial decision making
Create a financial path forward
Change intergenerational money scripts
Effectively communicate about money with a partner, friend, or family member
Financial stress is related to higher levels of psychological distress, which is associated with adverse health outcomes, such as reduced immune response, heart disease, and increased mortality. Therefore, the benefits of financial therapy are endless as our financial, mental, and physical health are all intricately intertwined.
6. How Long Does Someone Need Financial Therapy To See Results?
There is no concrete answer to this question, as everyone starts in a different place and moves at their own pace along a unique path. In my experience as a Certified Financial Therapist, people make great strides relatively quickly. I believe that by the time people have sought out financial therapy they are ready to do the difficult emotional work that is required to make sustainable behavioral change.
I also believe that people make these great strides relatively quickly because for many people this is the first time that they have ever said out loud “My wife does not know that we have $40,000 of credit card debt, and I am afraid she will leave me if I tell her” or “My parents spent money on themselves - new cars, clothes, and vacations - but they did not buy me birthday presents” or “I constantly feel financial shame.” Simply by releasing these words, the healing process can begin.
7. What Can I Expect From A Financial Therapy Session and From My Financial Therapist?
While every financial therapist works differently, you can expect a space where you will not be shamed for your past, present, or future financial circumstances. You can expect to be met with empathy, respect, and curiosity. You can expect to be validated and challenged. You can expect to be surprised by yourself as you peel back the layers of your relationship to money.
Some people share spreadsheets while others never talk about specific numbers. Some people request ‘homework’, such as concrete tasks or book recommendations, while others prefer to do activities together during appointments. In financial therapy, there is no right or wrong - there is what works best for you in collaboration with your financial therapist.
8. What is Expected of Me in Financial Therapy?
Financial therapy will require vulnerability and introspection on your part as well as open-mindness and a willingness to change. Financial therapy also requires honesty and transparency, as it is difficult to help someone who is not being fully honest. Finally, financial therapy requires ongoing thoughtfulness and mindfulness both in and outside appointments.
9. How Do I Find and Choose a Financial Therapist?
You can find a financial therapist by Googling “Financial therapist near me” or “Financial therapy [insert city or state name]”. You can also search the Financial Therapy Association (FTA) directory. Most financial therapists offer a free brief consultation or introductory call to answer any questions that you may have and to ensure that you are a good fit. The consultation call is an excellent opportunity to determine if you would like to schedule an initial appointment. If you have never done a phone consultation before, check out MyWellbeing’s 7 Tips To Make The Most Of Your Phone Consultation.
10. How Much Does Financial Therapy Cost?
If a financial therapist does not list their rates on their website or disclose them in the consultation call, this is an excellent question to ask, as the cost of financial therapy will vary based on a number of factors, including therapist experience, cost of living in geographic location, etc. According to the New York Times, financial therapy ranges from $100 to $800 per appointment - a huge range!
For some people, this question can feel uncomfortable to ask. Remember, this is the first of many conversations about money that you and your financial therapist will be having! A financial therapist understands that cost is a factor in your decision making process and does not (and should not) expect you to commit before knowing the cost. If the cost of financial therapy seems out of reach, consider the following question…
11. Do you accept insurance for financial therapy or offer a sliding scale rate?
Some financial therapists accept insurance and \ or offer sliding scale rates while others do not. Whether or not a financial therapist accepts insurance depends on licensure type, state of licensure, and personal preference. Excellent follow up questions to ask include…
“Can you provide me with a super bill at the end of the month that I can submit to my insurance for reimbursement with an out of network provider?”
The reimbursement rate will vary depending on your coverage. You can also ask for the CPT code, so your insurance can provide the most specific and accurate reimbursement rate.
“How do you determine if someone qualifies for a sliding scale rate?”
Mental health therapists have different methods to determine who meets their sliding scale criteria. Financial therapists know that income is just a small piece of one’s financial picture and may take into account a variety of factors in determining who qualifies for sliding scale. *Bear in mind, waitlists can be longer for sliding scale spots as they are often limited.
12. What Qualifications Do Financial Therapists Have?
At this time, there is no legal requirement to becoming or regulating body that oversees all financial therapists. Therefore, unfortunately, any therapist can claim to be a financial therapist. However, several organizations provide specific training and education for financial therapists. The Financial Therapy Association (FTA) offers a credentialing process to become a Certified Financial Therapist (CFT) and requires CFTs to complete ongoing education to maintain their certification. The Center for Financial Social Work offers a Certified Financial Social Worker program, and Trauma of Money offers a professional certification route within their 18 week program.
If specific financial therapy credentials are important to you, you can certainly ask about this during a consultation call. Some people believe that credentialing processes are prohibitive and exclusionary as they typically have a cost associated, which reduces the likelihood that people of color will be able to access them. You do not have to work with a financial therapist with any credentials if that is not important to you - as long as you feel comfortable with and trust the person, that is most important!
